The "A" word

Kate had her 2 month checkup today. She's up to 12 lbs, 8 oz and 23" long. All looks well with her. We got to discussing Josh when our pediatrician wanted to discuss vaccinations for Kate. She brought up that siblings of autistic children have risks since there are genetic links to autism and the possibility that her body wouldn't handle the vaccine properly. So, we decided we'd start with the DTaP vaccine when she's six months old and go from there with caution. It hit me. She said Kate has an "autistic sibling." I have known and have been reading like crazy, but to hear it so matter-of-fact kind of shocked me. I think we've been avoiding a label even as we've known this conclusion. I called Danny on the way home and he felt the same way. It's easier to think of it as a biochemical imbalance, but I think that's mostly due to our misconceptions about what autism is. I have always pictured kids with autism to have no eye contact, and have fewer social and emotional skills. Josh is very affectionate and ranks only borderline autistic on the social spectrum of autism. I fear most what the label would mean for him. I see Josh, my sweet and affectionate little boy. I just hope that others see that side of him. He's got a smile that melts your heart. He does know that and knows how to milk it a little too. Many of you ask about our feelings and emotions. I go through phases of denial, grief, sadness and optimism. We all desire our children to be "normal" and have life come easy to them, so it's hard to picture the challenges ahead of us. I fear how our family will be viewed. Will people who don't know us and see us on a bad day think he's a brat and that we're not disciplining him properly? People are so free to judge and throw out their two cents whether it is welcome or not. Every mom has a grocery store story when someone told them how to better handle their child. I remember leaving in tears when Emma was three and having a fit in line. The lady in front of me proceeded to mumble to herself how Emma needed a spanking. However, I refuse to be down about this for long, as there is so much more to be positive about. First, since we found out I was pregnant with Kate, God really opened our hearts and provided the financial means for us to consider me staying home after she was born. As we've discovered more about Josh's development, the decision for me to quit working became a no-brainer. Second, we are so blessed to have a pediatrician who is knowledgeable and has slowly pushed us in the right direction. Circumstances with Josh and sleep apnea led us to her two years ago. Third, we have amazing support from our family, friends and Josh's caregivers at his daycare. (We're going to try to keep him there two mornings a week.) It's nice to have friends and family who support us when we're struggling through his tantrums and head-banging rather than judging our parenting. I've received the nicest comments and support and it really helps get us through the tougher days. Kate's Godparents had us over for dinner Saturday night and we were on pins and needles, but Josh did great the majority of the night. We enjoyed our first dinner at some one's house as a family of five! I'm not quite up to venturing out with Kate and Josh on my own yet since at a given moment both of them could require me to physically hold them. I am hopeful that as we treat Josh, we'll work up confidence in going out without me fearing the worst. Until then, our adventures will be more confined while Danny is at work. I'm adjusting to not being at work. I honestly don't miss it much since I'm staying busy, sleep deprived and have been preoccupied with learning about autism. The days that are more chaotic and I'm obviously outnumbered by kids go by the quickest, but are the most stressful. The days when we're all happy and every one's schedules line up nicely, I start to watch the clock more and the days move more slowly. I'm working on figuring out the middle ground - the right balance of taking care of everyone and planning activities and play time that entertains us. It helps when Emma is here. This week, she's been home with me since her school district closed for the swine flu. She has been insisting that we keep her school schedule and that I teach her. Journal time, reading, math, recess, etc. It's been kind of fun. Josh likes to be anywhere Emma is, so I taught Emma the word "adapt" since we needed to adapt all her lessons to include Josh. When we worked on subtraction, I had her get her piggy bank. She and I counted out coins as Josh played putting all the coins back and dumping them out again. When we drew math stories on the white board, Josh helped color. We were making a math story by drawing out apples. I drew them red and Josh colored them green, so I told Emma our Red Delicious apples were magically turned into Braeburn apples thanks to Josh. She learned to adapt and we had some fun with it. Emma is an amazing big sister and she and Josh sure love each other. I didn't think kids 4 years apart could have such a bond. And, with Kate, she is so nurturing and sweet. I LOVE listening her talk baby talk to Kate to try to get her to smile. So, from here, we are meeting with the pediatrician in 2 weeks to follow up and bring all our questions to her. She mentioned today that she can refer us to private specialists for occupational therapy and sensory integration therapy. She agrees that we are reaching a level that might be beyond what the state ECI programs can handle. I am glad about that. We've been waiting over three weeks now for an occupational therapist to even call us and schedule an evaluation. I'm sure that's normal, but now that we're onto something, I want to do everything we can while he is still young. She also gave me a packet filled with autism resources. She said to take our time and read through it and we can discuss any of it at our next appointment. I unsuccessfully tried to get books from the library, but what they have is pretty outdated. So, I ordered a few key books from amazon.com today about dairy and gluten free diets and about treatment options. I'm looking forward to reading them, but I have plenty of websites and information from the doctor to keep me going. Thanks again for your prayers and support!